A wit with dunces, and a dunce with wits.
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- I gave a party for time-travelers, but I didn’t send out the invitations until after the party. I sat there a long time, but no one came.
- As if you could kill time without injuring eternity.
- Life is a sexually transmitted disease.
- If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can’t be done.
- There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
- Science is good furniture for one’s upper chamber, if there is common sense below.
- A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
- The surest way for a pedestrian to live longer nowadays is to buy himself a car.
- A neighbor is a person who can get to your house in less than a minute and takes two hours to go back home.
- If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?