Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.
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- “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
- She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn’t help wondering from what direction.
- I gave a party for time-travelers, but I didn’t send out the invitations until after the party. I sat there a long time, but no one came.
- As if you could kill time without injuring eternity.
- Life is a sexually transmitted disease.
- If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can’t be done.
- There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
- Science is good furniture for one’s upper chamber, if there is common sense below.
- A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
- The surest way for a pedestrian to live longer nowadays is to buy himself a car.