Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.

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• As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.
• American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.
• I gave a party for time-travelers, but I didn’t send out the invitations until after the party. I sat there a long time, but no one came.
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• Life is a sexually transmitted disease.
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